Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in uberspoon2000's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
9:24 am	I lay it all out. every though. i want you to read it. You. I wont be fine i know im not youre in my mind all the time in every last thought i cant help this feeling because you stole my heart and i hate the fact we're growing apart... i cant describe how it feels and i cant make you see how much i truly love you and how much you mean to me... why do I hold on? I cry time and time again, why do I hold on? I think of you all thru the night, why do I hold on? You made me feel so warm, so loved, so wanted, why do I hold on? I toss and turn dreaming of you, why do I hold on? You made an impact in my life, why do I hold on? You always made me smile, why do I hold on? You hold my heart in the palm of your hand, why do I hold on? I miss you so much, it tears me up, why do I hold on? For the love, you gave me I can not replace, For the smiles we shared, For the times you cared, For the nights we talked till dawn, For my heart... my soul... That is why... I hold on Sitting here, Not knowing what to do, Thinking to myself Why cant i be with you? I know theres a distance But it shouldn't matter, You saying the reason why we cant be Just caused my heart to shatter. Starting to cry, Because of what you said, Now i keep thinking That I'm better off dead. This pain your giving me I cant deal with it, To you the distant may be important But to me it doesn't mean shit. You may think I'm pathetic for writing this But i really don't care, Because no matter what happens, Ill always care. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I have liked many but loved very few. yet no-one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue, just for a moment with you. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
11:58 pm	You know what. Im tired of it. Ive been notin but patient. All i get is scilence half the time. You hide form every thing. You are not affraid of me, or what i could do to you, you are affraid of yourself. You dont get to just curl up in a ball and hide when you dont want to deal with something. IT DOSENT WORK THAT WAY. Grow up and talk. Now dont get me wrong. i udnerstand school and all of that, BUT jees. You can still pick up a phone. i just get so bulit up over the scilenc. i try and talk to you and half the time, you just give me one word ansers. i rember what you told me happend to you. how you were treated. Dont do that to me. you know how i feel right now. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
11:42 am	every time i think i can get closer, you push me away. why? (Comment on this)
1:26 am	Thinking Thinking. Can't stop thinking. Think of you. This. That. That Life. That day. That dream was mine. A utopian dream. Your aura; struck me like lightning to a tree. Pointy, like a star, you shone. So bright, yet not shining as a star would, But as apparent as white chalk on a blackboard. You would not show off like a star. Yet you did burn so hot, so fiercely, so explosively - you were a star in my eyes. But like all stars, you died. That gas was gone. No pull between us. The atmosphere was dry and I began to choke. I was taken from my star I did not know what was happening. Dazed. Confused. Without true reality, I there sat. Wondering. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
11:02 pm	Longing for you I miss you. I dont know what we were. I dont know what we are now. I think about you all the time. Not just when you type to me in game. Not just when we talk on Aim. I think about you when I wake up, when I sleep, when i do anything. I think about you almost as much as i breathe. I miss your voice. I wish i could hold you in my arms and look into your eyes. Hold you tight, and tell you that every thing is going to be ok. I write this, thinking, feeling, immersed in my emotions for you. And then I think to my self, I have to be crazy... and I am. Im crazy for you. And i wonder if you have, or will ever read this. What you would do if you read this. What would happen. Only time will tell. I hope you do read this. I miss your laugh. I care deeply for you. When you smile, when you laugh, if i can make you happy in some way, my day is complete. I miss you baby. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
11:59 pm	woot got transferd woot i still have a job! RAWR ..!.. at old boss=D Current Music: Real Big Fish (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
11:45 pm	DAMMIT!!! missed streetlight So like 5 days ago.. my friend calls me and says "streetlight at the knitting factory in hollywood" im so excited the whole weekend! tonight is the night... starts at 8pm so im at work, and all excited ... Got in a bit of a argument with my boss. next thing i know, im bieng told to go home. i go over to the other office and talk to HIS boss. and i may be getting fired or a transfer. id be this guys boss, but i have to work limited hours on the Work/school program ive been there for almost 3 and a half years. and this guy mabey 2. so i said AWWW fuck it. went to sushi with a friend.. got drunk on Nigori (goddam that shit is the best, sweet unfilterd cold sake!) we also droped sake shots in the sapporo to make SAKE BOMBS!! ended up at my friedns house wiht a buncha friends. that was good fun. we all watched Season 3 of Family guy. untill my friend thought it be funney to steal my flipflops... she gave them to her dam dog! oh wells.. PS: my friend's band may be in MTV'S show "unsigned" where they follow good bands that dont have a label and they eventualy get a deal! it between his and 9 other bands. and he didnt apply to this... MTV came to him!@*@#$ Current Music: Led Zep babey yeah (Comment on this)
Monday, September 19th, 2005
11:32 pm	Dammit i hate it! its so hard to sit there and not say something. all i want to do is tell you it all. but i have to restrain my self. BLEH RAWR goddammmit it frekin makes me so.. GRRR Current Music: Streetlight =D (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 11th, 2005
8:27 pm	I sit here. I hope. One day. Wating for you, wating for a sign. I sit here. When you are ready. I hope. Only want to hold you close and look into your eyes. One day I try to keep my thoughts, my feelings. my emotions bottled. It gets hard to contain them. One day when you are ready. I will be here. I will always be here for you. /sigh. one day. _________________________________________________ I walk a lonely road The only one that I have ever known Don't know were it goes But Its home to me and I walk alone (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
8:01 pm	i hate essays... especialy when i have to be creative and come up with the topic. school blows (Comment on this)
Monday, September 5th, 2005
6:37 am	umm yeah dont know what was up with that last post. so i deleted =O to much to drink. woke up with a killer hangover, on the floor mind you. still done know if i fell asleep on the floor, or if i fell out of bed. i kinnda posted on some other fourms too. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 2nd, 2005
10:17 pm	drinking and me Ok so about 5ish i started with a few jack and cokes got lazy with mixed drinks and just hit up some beer. dont give me shit on what i drink. i know you are supposed to just get better alchahol.. not lower the quality. i dont normaly get angry when i drink. im normaly the clingey, happy drunk. do any thing cuz its fun. but tonight i got mad. i got mad at a buncha friends. they all thought it was in good fun. but i dont know why i got mad like i did. was it becasuse all of what is going on with me. or did i actualy have a valid reason to get mad. i dont know only time will tell. right now.. i need to sleep cuz i have work tomarow. RAWR Current Mood: sleepy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 1st, 2005
5:56 pm	today today i had to work. work is no fun. i hate customer service. half of the pepole that come into my store, need to be shot in the foot. Retard "i need to Fed-ex this" Me "Mam, this is UPS." Retard "oh" retard procededs to stare at me i stare back. Me "so, you wanna ship it?" Another retard walks in on the cell phone I DONT HELP YOU IF YOU DONT TALK TO ME!!! Retard#2 " Sir are you going to help me?" Me "mam, are you going to get off the cell phone?" mabey its just that i dont like my job, mabey im just a prick, or mabey im tired of it all Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
7:19 pm	my life sucks i honestly think my life cant get any worse right now. i spend my life at work, school, playing World of warcraft and sleeping Some time i go out to the bars with my friends. One reason i don't mind my 1/4th of my life playing a viedo game is because i met some one. They are very special to me. and if i could, i would go see them. Tho right now, i dont know if they would see me. You see, the main issue is... I live in Southern californa, and they live in Michigan. a few weeks ago, they told me that some one that lives only a few miles form them was interested in her. I FREAKED Don't know what to do. THERE IS NO WAY I CAN COMPETE. only after i send some letters in an attempt tell her how i feel about her, did i find out that she dose not care for him. But, i am to late, the damage was done to our fragile thing. She tells me that it is not a good time for her in her life, and that she is not looking for this. and i am causing her more stress. (i kick myself for this) i am crushed. i dont know what i am to do. i told her i would give her space, i didn't want to push her. i admit, i did not do this well. but its hard to Stop talking to some one, some one important to you. some one you have talked to every day for four months. with in a few days, i am reduced to a "friend", with noting more then an exchange of pleasantries. a week passes, and i try to talk to her again about it. and all i do, is drive her further and further form me. TOTALLY OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANT!! now, i have to fight her to get simple answers. but at last i realize, it is beyond my hands. the stubborn girl, i care oh so much about is gone. I don't know if she is gone form me for good, i hope not. and by writing this, i might be sealing my fate. yet another hit of the hammer, driving the wedge between us. You cant help who you love, you're not supposed to. When you love somebody, you love them. Right now, the only thing keeping me here, is hope, the Hope that one day you will come back to me. when you are ready. i am here, i will always be here. Current Mood: melancholy (Comment on this)